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Croll’s Chronicles Feature a Sarcastic Look at Measure B

Croll’s Pizzeria is distributing the “Alameda Future Chronicles” – a sarcastic look at Measure B.

Lorenzo Puertas, the owner of Croll’s Pizzeria, wrote Action Alameda News to let us know that they have distributed “thousands of copies” of their “Alameda Future Chronicles” through the Alameda Sun this week. The same edition featured a cover story on the pizza shop’s “Measure B” pizza, “topped with a densely-packed layer of baloney” and a sauce with a sweet honey base so “you won’t even taste the lies.” Croll’s is also distributing the newsletter through their storefront at 705 Central Avenue, near the corner of Central and Webster Street.

The mock newsletter features an interview with “Zoltar, SunCal VP of Intergalactic Prosperity” which includes this exchange:

Q. What about traffic problems caused by building 4800 new homes
on an island with only four exits?
A. Oh, these new residents won’t be driving on Alameda streets. They are all going to be using public transit, flying cars, or teleportation. Our plan guarantees this.

Q. How can you guarantee that 20,000 people will all use transit?
A. Oh, we have ways. Trust in SunCal. Next question.

Further, Croll’s is offering a fee slice of pizza and a soda on election day, February 2nd, for those who wear a “Future Alamedan” costume. “Spacemen, aliens, and time travelers get a FREE slice and soda. Come join us after voting!” (The hard copy we picked up at Croll’s also said something about free pizza for those wearing manure-shoveling boots, or high-water boots, reflecting the projected water rise at Alameda Point due to climate change.)

Croll’s No on B Chronicles

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